Some Advice from a Counsellor Turned English Teacher

My adult life has been divided almost equally between two countries and two professions. In Japan I am a teacher. In Canada I am a counsellor. Over the years, I have maintained one confidentiality rule that I believe is very important. I do not discuss students with each other. What happens in class stays in class, so to speak. I believe all teachers should follow this code, so I have made sure the following student cannot be identified.
Over my years in Japan, there have been several occasions when my two professions have merged. Sometimes, a student who knows of my counselling experience will get me alone and ask for some guidance.
A student came to class a few months ago and asked if we could do something different that day. I said sure and he asked me for some help dealing with some anger issues he was having at work. My brain felt like a cobweb and no help came, so I gave him a tool I use myself.
If you’ve ever been a counsellor you know the truth…frustration happens. If you’ve taught for long enough, especially if you need a break, you may feel frustrated sometimes. I know that I can get frustrated, so I think it’s possible other teachers can get frustrated too. So I offer this advice out of my own tool bag.
If I am feeling frustrated or annoyed at someone, I ask myself if they are intending to annoy me. Usually they aren’t. So I remind myself as many times as I need to that this person is not trying to annoy me. (I use a much more colloquial term when saying it to myself) I say it over and over again. And the anger always disappears. I am able to teach, or walk down the street or whatever I’m doing without being angry.
It works for me, so I told my student. His face changed and he said to me, “You’re right. This person is not trying to make me angry. He’s just doing his job the way he thinks is best.“
I told him to repeat this whenever he felt angry. A couple of months later we had a class alone together and he told me that the anger went away in class that day and never returned.
So, if you tend to get frustrated at work or outside of work, I give you this tool to try.