The following puns were received by me via email and I thought that they maybe useful in the classroom on some occassion. Although they are old I still find them funny and as a good laugh is the best medicine for relaxation, I do hope that those of you who read them will enjoy them as much as I do – a prolific exponent of the pun.
Subject: Word Play
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whisky maker,
but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because
it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder
and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope,
it’ll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was,
a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was
a small medium at large.
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray
is now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In democracy it’s your vote that counts.
In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
23. When cannibals ate a missionary,
they got a taste of religion.
24. Don’t join dangerous cults:
Practice safe sects!
Smith’s School of English Koenji
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