This morning was clear and beautiful. It was nice to get outside to enjoy the sunshine and the just-right coolness of 13 degrees (C). I got to the train station and began handing out flyers ~ or trying to. This morning it didn’t feel quite right. Was I having an off morning? Were other people? Then I saw a woman I see every time I’m in this particular spot. She always makes eye contact, smiles at me, says good morning, and takes a flyer. Every time! It’s a pleasure to see her and maybe one day she’ll come to my school for a trial lesson.Then I saw a woman I met last week at The Rink, and we visited for a few minutes in English. Later, a man came over who is new to Kofu, after a 4-month stay in Boston, Massachusetts, USA. We talked about his time there and his newness here. He was glad to hear me say I like Kofu, and why. Then we had to laugh because we share the same problem: finding the Boston accent very hard to understand!
But then long, long stretches of time where many people walked by but no one would take a flyer, make eye contact, or even look my way. It was discouraging but I kept smiling, kept saying good morning, kept at it. It was really nice to see the familiar friendly faces and to smile and talk with a few people, but in spite of that I felt as if this was the worst morning handing out flyers that I’ve had. Then I came home and counted ~ it turns out it was the best day. I broke my previous record and handed out more flyers in two hours than i ever have before (not bad at all for someone still in her first month of doing this). But… how did it happen?
This tells me two things. One: Anxiety can feel worse than it looks. I felt anxious during those long stretches where no one would take a flyer or look my way. It doesn’t mean others could see that anxiety. Two: Feelings are not the whole story. Although I felt discouraged, the fact is, it was my best flyer day ever! The numbers don’t support the feelings, but the numbers tell me what really happened. So I may feel “however”, but I can trust the facts.